Time to get back to this

Yeah just realized its been like 5 months ever since i've been on this. Just feelin like people haven't been reading or I've been lazy to write shit. But imma start storing random thoughts and shizz here from now on again. Also I think Imma get a little mini notepad to carry with me to write some thoughts down so I don't lose them, or perhaps its time to invest in a phone with good typing capabilities and memory so I can jot shit in it xD.


Also, I have a job again and I'm working 13 hrs a week, but Imma need to pay a crapload of debt of with my first check and I need to get some gifts for fam. But after that I really want to invest in two pairs of raw selvedge denim, one indigo and one black.

These are the two pairs I would like to work on or buy, anyone wanna get me them as a present lemmie know xD:

http://www.cultizm.com/product_info.php?info=p80_Levi-acute-s-reg--BIG-E-1967-505xx-JEANS-DRY-GOODS-LVC.html

http://www.selfedge.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=82&products_id=438


Also people know when I got a job its all good and we gon go out more now right!! SHHHIIITTT you know I got yall back just to have good times!!!

Kapwa.
Much love and respect,
Michael Helms

horrible stastical poem i just made up

Statistical Fail

When we first started I thought the Null Hypothesis equalled 2
Tried a test statistic only to find out the t-score for our survival was 5
With a 99.9% confidence interval that meant our probability to grow was low,
and that's exactly what happened, found out there was evidence for the alternative hypothesis
You became a box plot with low fences and I wasn't able to remain inside because I was an outlier
Now your the mean and i'm like 10 standard deviations away from you
still on the graph but never close enough to touch
Guess I'm above alpha=.05 so im statistically insignificant and I'll never be as close to your,
but at least im still on the graph.

The dog

We were in the kitchen eating mangoes, and i didn't eat the other half so, i gave it to the dog on the floor. She starts eating it and then we joke about Angel being a filipino dog, because she eats adobong and mangoes. Then she threw it up >.< end of story.

dang

why does family argue over money? Its there to burn, we an always make it again. It should never be argued over even if it is being misused. Should help the other person not get mad at them. But whatever.

give and take

A friend of mine said relationships (any relationships not just pertaining to love) is about your willingness to give and take. meaning giving some of your time to hang with your friends, and taking some of their time. I used to give this friend a lot of time, but now its like what about taking? what about the balance? Just to put it plain and simple people get tired of giving when the other person isn't trying to take. LOL idk if that makes sense? get me? whatever, im horrible with metaphors and explanations. Heiwa





Songs:

Asher Roth - Y.O.U. Feat. Slick Rick
Royce 5'9"- Slaughter

ghosts

So there are a lot of thoughts and memories that are haunting me, in the most inconvenient of times. Its like im walking down the street and im listening to my hip hop or alternative, or what have you, and then they sneak up on me and stay for the longest times, and im just like wtf why am i thinking about this or why do these thoughts even come to my mind? It sucks and I hate it. I guess its because i do a lot of walking and transportation and I have a lot of time for my mind to wander and think. But i don't do it intentionally, its just whack.


In other news:

The kanye cover he did for complex is fuckin sick!! Ingenious the photographer for that shit. Got the new issue at borders today. The black and pink air yeezys are the shit!! But i'm not gonna buy them haha.

Songs I'm Feelin:

Keri Hilson Feat. Kanye and Ne-Yo- Knock You Down
Cam'ron- Hate My Job
Guided By Voices-Hold On Hope
Kanye West-Street Lights

dude i totally forgot

Totally forgot what I was going to write, other than the radio plays to many love songs. For reals, damn songs that I can't connect to anymore, only wishing i could have that. Anyways that new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album is the shit! Believe that!!

Money Make The World Do Donuts I Wanna See It Spin

Damn, that's just what it feels like right now. You know we talk about hustlers and people trying to make cake. That's exactly what 90% of people in college are doing, working their asses off to get a good ass job, and then there's the liberal arts majors lol. Everyone's trying to make a way I'm trying to do that shit too, but sometimes its like I just wanna quit and join the army or live all bummy for a couple of years, and when I'm older realize like damn, I took that shit for granted what the fuck was I thinking????

Anyways its been a crazy past 2 weeks, just school and then partying on the weekend, but dammit stats is hard for me, but enough of that.

So this was a topic on my mind today, sparked by the fact that right when i went into the restroom, this guy started farting like machine gun farts going 60 mps (that's right people per second). Anyways I was like, hey this is a bathroom, and as such it is a sanctified area right? Right? We should be able to relieve ourselves in some public sphere where, we don't want to be judged right? What better place than the restroom. Also I've noticed a lot of dudes who groan while taking a piss. What are your thoughts on this?? Let me know post a comment or two on it.

I still can't free my mind from some things. I guess its cuz I wanted more, I wanted a shit load more, I wanted to give more and I wanted to feel more. Meh now memories are just shadows and ghost in my brain that won't leave. Its all good though.

The song Hurt by Nine Inch Nails and covered by Johnny Cash, both are equally good, but when I was in high school the Johnny Cash version got me through high school. It was great. Idk how to explain it. LOL but those were some seriously emo times, and the reflection of the people around me only made the situation worse. I hope everyone I know has transcended that old stupid high school drama bullshit , and we're grown enough to know when we need to do the right things.

Anyways, Hot Import Nights was crackin, minus the drift show. Haha announcer tried to get the crowd goin, that was an epic fail, but damn there was some sexy ass girls there.
Also saw Fast and the Furious which was also alright
.

Got my teeth removed and im gonna get 2 more in 2 weeks gone as well.

Anyways, if you're reading this and you have to listen to one song, check out Atomosphere-Sunshine. Its a good chill hiphop song about appreciating the day. Heiwa ^____^.

Please share your loneliness with me

Expressing Myself

I don't think I've ever been good at expressing myself about 60% of the time. Sometimes things just come out wrong or when I try to convey something, the meaning partially gets lost along the way. I haven't been good at it ever since I was little. I guess its also about worrying what another person thinks or whatever. I kind of started this blog as a way to get my feelings across that I otherwise couldn't in a normal day, but ha that epic fails too. Words are powerful, and communication is important. I'm still learning how to better communicate myself to the world I guess.

Val's Bday and Other Things

Woke up early today around 730 to go eat at IHOP with Deodor and Jennifer. We had an awesome time at IHOP. Jen dropped the bombshell that she was moving to the PI. I hanged out with her here and there and from the times we hanged out, Jen is an awesome person, and though are time spent was little, I'm going to miss her.

Afterward, we went to work out because we wouldn't have anymore time. Got home and showered, and then went to go get the Sans Rival cake for Val and met up with Joryl, then we met up with Val and went to Elephant Bar where we waited a good 30 min or so, but it didn't feel like that too me.

Eventually Lau, Mel, Charo, Mendoza, and Warren got there and we got our seats. It was cool and chill. Ate some Jumbalaya shits, and eventually put in 35 to the grand total even though my shit was at most 20$ including tip and what not. I didn't feel like asking anyone for the rest of that shit. I hate big bills lol.

Then we went to the park and took awesome ass pics for the day!! Due to me being lazy and resaving the pics to get some URLS i'll just post the link here...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ohmygulayxd/


Anyways, I wanted to go to the park and do a slow dance with Karen before she dropped the bomb on me, and I was hoping to do that today. I wanted it to be nice and even though its cheesy and everyone dislikes cheese, you wouldn't dislike it if you were in that moment, because then it would've been magical. It was supposed to be like oh man we never got that slow dance at prom can I have it now. And then we were supposed to slow dance and twirl around and shit. Haha I know I'm a loser, but damn it would've been awesome. Needless to say I didn't get that. I ain't mad though, so its a closed chapter of my life now.

Today was still good though. Heiwa and goodnight.

See If I Can Grow

Today overall I guess was a good day, or rather mixed potato chips. I think I did good on my stats exam on probability, but then again I could have been wrong about everything on the exam, which would suck so fuckin hard!! If I don't at least get a B on this exam then, there's probably no hope for me in that class >.<>.< so whack!!

The mind is suck a sucky thing though, I don't even want to think about someone, but all of a sudden she comes screaming back into my head, and im like wtf!! Dammit bakit why lol, i guess old habits are hard to break or something oh well.

I don't know why but I feel like im in such a negative space right now.

But yeah hanging out with Patti and Nat today was aweome!! Thanx guys!!






Some songs I'm Feelin:


K'naan-Wavin' Flag
Miri Ben Ari feat scarface-Sunshine To The Rain
Jedi Mind Tricks-Razorblade Salvation
Jedi Mind Tricks- Black Winter Day

shiiiet

FML right now lol. Stats is hard, and I need to get a B in that class darn it. *sigh* Waste of a blog. whatever.

Blind

i am blind to love
blind to compassion
blind to true friendship
blind to family
blind to the crying baby in the cereal aisle
blind to the soldier worried about war
blind to the future
and blind to you
I am not blind to the anger, resentment, and envy
that i fully embrace

Just A Thought Or Two

Yeah so been having a couple of good days ^__^ I don't want to go into detail, so ya'll can go onto Emerson's blog for that.

Bro copped me some jeans for my bday today from the Hundred's, the Monaco pair. They're awesome!!! Salamat

Other than that our aim conversations will probably never have the same breath they used to. I guess that goes without saying. I don't really know why. That's just the way it is.

Anyways, goodnight.

Been A Long Time

Its been a minute since I've posted anything on this blog. I get lazy when i get to this website and when im about to write something, I'm life fuck it and then I go on to read Emerson's blog.
Anyways, so the news and whatnot for the past couple of weeks. Things were awesome until Karen broke up with me(we're still good friends though shit just didn't work out), and then my mom started cracking on me about that shit. It was not cool. I've been in a slump over the past couple of days, not about Karen, but about life I guess. I started focusing on how empty it kind of is, unless you stay true to some goals or find a purpose to go on. Since December I find I haven't really been focusing on anything, and I was really going through the whole sadness phase of friends leaving and what not, but then I realized hey that's what friends do, don't dwell on it, we have to move on. That's also been my whole philosophy for awhile, but I kind of lost sight of it for awhile, and I started putting happiness on a pedalstal, if that makes any sense at all. I talked to some people and asked what keeps them going, and I'm surprised to find that they're just as lost as I am.

On a lighter note I'll have 2,000$ stacked by the end of next week and start looking around for a car and whatnot. I think My limit is going to be like 13,000$ and I'll pay 300$ every month on it. I have to try and find a summer job though, if I'm going to keep up with payments like that, coupled with insurance and maintenance. I'm going to be broke, hahaha but it'll help me deal with the materialism issues I have, I don't need a lot of the things I want anyways, not to mention we're in recession so I have to tone a lot down.

Oh yeah i said i was going to take picture updates of my jeans, but I can't because I've lost my recharger chord and I have to go buy/find it. But there's some minor fading at the crotch area, nothing that's really big yet. I should take advantage of the big back pockets and put something in there, that will make an awesome fade look. Maybe a calculator??? We shall see.

Oh yeah went clubbing last night, and that's not my thing, maybe its because there was a bunch of white people or something, idk. After my bday I'm going to detox, and help my other friends do the same. I'm talking about Dale if you know the nigguh.

Thanx everyone for being here in my time of need, its good having friends like all of you when I look at life through my distorted eyes ^__^.

hmmm

Oh yeah i was gonna blog but i totally forgot what i was gonna say! : 0 (insert dick here. I know Emerson gladly will) now that's lame.

Anyways mah new project, just bought a pair of raw denim jeans (circa 2 weeks ago) from Crate. They're the journal model. I'll post more on this later and the monthly wear and tear .

Other than that I can't think right now. Heiwa

hmmm

-Everyone who i asked to go to Davis with me can't go anymore for various reasons. I told Karen I was gonna go anyways. I want to go see everyone and chill with them. So I need to plan for all of that and ask people about their schedules and what not.
- Im turning into one of those people who just lay there and likes to think or just listen to music while lying down. Its not negative its actually chillax but yeah.
-Who even reads mah shit anymore. Damn do i need to spice it up. Mayb i'll get some big bootie bitches to do a dance.

Frigg

-Man my shoulder is taking to long to heal!! I need to work out dammit.
- Sometimes my mom get's me down and can be so mean.
-Realized the only 3 people im close to: Joryl (semi), Lizzie(Falling out now though), Karen Lau (pretty much the only one that im talking to a lot) all of my other friends, i don't even know anymore. Actually I don't think i really do know them, because everytime we chill its in a group, which i only started doing in high school, back then other people i knew wouldn't mind just a few of us going out. In high school that group mentality pissed me the fuck off, but hey its how the crew wants to operate, and that's how I'll fly or die.

randomness

Little Chinese kid Tommie: walks up to me "MR MIKE! MR MIKE!"
* I look down at him
Tommie: "I know all the songs to Kidz Bop 14!! Do you know all the words Mr. Mike?"
*Im laughing really loud in my head but on the surface im still calm*
Me: "No Tommie that's really awesome that you know all that. I don't even own kids bop 14"
Tommie: "Yay!" *Smiles and runs off.

Goals This Year

Resolutions and goals:
1) Get Straight A's the whole year. I need too, to get anywhere in my major.
2) Work Out Goals:
-Be able to bench press at least 180 by the end of the year
- Do 200 push-ups with out stopping by the end of the year
- 30 Chin-ups without stopping
- be able to run a mile in 6 min or less. Be able to endure a constant speed
of 6 min/mile for at least 3 mi.
- Get more flexible
- Have abs and a healthier body.
3) Stay constant on my bill payments
4) Be a better family member/friend
5) Get a stable job that I can keep that pays at least $10 an hour
6) Get the pass released sneakers I've been meaning to get:
- Reese Forbes
- Money Cat Mids and Lows
-Dinosaur Jrs.
- Carhartts(brown)
- Bankers (purple)
- Melvins (Black)
- Shy Pinks
- T-19's
- Unlucky's
- Tweed Hi's
- Irons

You're A Slave To Money And Then You Die

What is it with the mind that makes it want things? I've tried to be a simple man and not much and at times it works, and at times its been out of necessity. The times when my mother and auntie who always pay the rent would go out and gamble and fuck it up. I'm just angry because they went to Reno for new years and spent away all the money, despite the fact we're six months behind on rent. I'm grateful and all and I know I've lived a relatively spoiled life, but wtf man. Gambling just pisses me the fuck off. Its been going on for a long time. My mom stopped, but my auntie still continues and then my grandma has to stress about the rent and my cousin has to bale us out, luckily he's conservative. I need to graduate in 4 years to end this friggin cycle of dependence and start paying for the house myself. Money just seems like its always the problem we always argue over in this house. ITS FUCKIN WHACK!!

Got Some Bad News This Morning Which In Turn Made My Day...

Not really. Only that everyone's leaving back to their respective UCs again. Oh well. There's always summer and that's how the cookie crumbles.

On a lighter note today was awesome though. Went to Ihop where I haven't been in awhile. What I ordered was lightweight good though. Some shit that I could've made at home cheaper even when you buy all those ingredients. Sometimes it feels like a sin or something going out to have American food that doesn't take much skill to make. Im just saying this in these tight economic times. But the food was still cool and hanging out and having good vibes with the people I know and love is good.

Went to Cherine's house and finally saw all of Kung Fu Panda. That movie was good, and i officially add it onto my 2008 list.

We left and parted our ways and Joryl and Emerson made up, ^_____^
Then Joryl, Jason, and I went to Pho Huhgh Hiep to meet up with Karen Lau and her fatass cousin Jessyca (jk jessyca) and we ate pha. Good times. Ate one final dinner b4 she Lau goes back to Davis. Then we went to go get my dog to meet her dog. Suffice to say Snowball was scared of Angel. I dunn think it would've mashed up great anyways because Angel's one of those dogs that likes to play rough with other dogs and run. So i think Snowball was leightweight getting abused. Cute little chihuahua i guess though. Left around 920ish and got back home.

All in all I had to say today was a good day i didn't even have to use my Ak fo realz though. Spending time with these people is one of the top best things in the world to do. Thanx guys!! I still have to think about my resolutions tonight and why not since the year is still fresh. Peace and much love.

2008 Retrospects

The year was kind of a blur. It sucked for a lot of people in the first half. Who would've thought that the last moments of Senior year of high school would've been so turbulent? I stood by and watched as so many beefs between friends started and ended stuff that I though would've never happened. What's more is it happened with a lot of them. Its weird how our best year was riddled with strife. But in the end we all came out stronger albeit damaged. For me it was meh and emo. Just seeing things happen around me and getting capped on by teachers. Same old same old.

Bought Angel in May? Yeah thanks to Joyce when she was a little pup. that was awesome. Sometimes I take her for granted or I get tired of her though. But its nice because she's always happy when she comes home.

Family-wise its always good, but its still that same old bullshit when it comes to gambling and money. I got mad love for my family but their gambling habits kills it, and its the main cause of all the arguments and bullshit that happens. But I can't complain we had some good times together. I got mad love for my brother cuz he deals with me so much and he always has my back. He's always mindful of me. Like always asking if I want to smoke or drink with people or have a good time.

Summer was such a blur because I worked and went to school. I woke up went to school just to go home and get changed to go to work, I was the most miserable at that time. But it was good because it actually made me try, like it was the best time i ever had academically.

Friends some go and some came. I can't front on whoever left though. They went places, and we chose to stay stuck here. I met some people at state that im happy i met. I hope we keep in touch and keep chillin now that we don't have the same classes anymore. I need to make these relationships lasts. I strengthened some relationships i have with people this year.
Random photos to sum up the year:

















Stuff of the year in my opion:

Game of The Year: Gears of War 2

TV Series of The Year: Summer Heights High (Australian. Adopted by HBO in 2008)

Movie of the Year: The Dark Knight
Runner Ups: Wall-E
Crows Zero (Japanese)
Let The Right One In (Swedish or something totally forgot)


The albums I liked or enjoyed the most for 2008 no particular order:
Kanye West-808s & Heartbreak
Coldplay-Viva La Vida
Guns N Roses- Chinese Democracy
Santogold-Santogold
Lil Wayne-Carter III
Girl Talk-Feed The Animals
Q-Tip - The Renaissance
Gnarls Barkley- The Odd Couple
Nas- Untitled
TV On The Radio- Dear Science
T.I.-Paper Trail
David Banner-The Greatest Story Ever Told
Mick Boogie & Terry Urban-Viva La Hova (Mixtape mashup between Jay-Z and Coldplay)

Feel Good Song Of The Year:
MIA- Paper Planes

Yeah I know it's technically on 2007's Kala but the song really blew up this year. Not to mention the remix album Paper Planes: The Homeland Security remixes came out in Feb 2008. I like 2 of the remixes with Rye Rye, Africa Boy, Bun B, and Rich Boy. That sit hit me so hard!! IT was amazing. MIA always knows how to make some music. Iono what else to write about it.

Runner Ups: Leona Lewis-Better In Time
Nas- Hero
T.I.- No Matter What/ Live Your Life Ft. Rihanna
Novel- Lost! (Mixtape song)
Coldplay- Violet Hill/ Lost+ feat. Jay-Z


Thanx for taking the time to read and look. I have to think about what i want for 2009 and my goals. I probably post up 2m. Peace much love and look forward to 2009!! Sky's The Limit!!